5 self-sabotaging career moves women often make—and how to avoid them

We often focus on the visible obstacles stopping women from getting ahead: pay inequality, missed promotions and opportunities, and those boardroom tables with not quite enough seats. Yet there is another, less-visible hindrance to women’s career success: our internal habits, harder to name and even harder to shake. The opportunity passed over not because it was out of reach, but because our inner dialogue said it wasn’t ours to take. The apology slipped into an email that didn’t need one. The shrinking, the over-preparing, and the relentless self-editing. These aren’t flaws. They are learned responses to a system that taught women to be capable but cautious, competent but not disruptive, and yes, to have a voice, but not one that was too loud. These unexamined habits are shaping the careers we never meant to build. 1. Confusing competence with visibility The sabotage: Many women believe if they work hard enough, someone will notice. Excellence in silence is rarely rewarded. Doing exceptional work and not drawing attention to it isn’t noble. It’s often just an efficient way of handing credit to someone else. The insight: Hard work that goes unseen and waiting politely for one’s turn builds resentment. Being good at your job isn’t the same as being known for it, and in competitive environments, what isn’t seen often doesn’t count. How to avoid it: Don’t wait to be discovered. Learn to self-promote and name what you do, so no one else gets to define it for you. Regularly share wins—both yours and those of others—in team settings. 2. Waiting for certainty The sabotage: This is self-doubt amplified. When it comes to promotions, unless almost every box is ticked, women are reluctant to put themselves forward. One unchecked box and it’s a hard stop . . . until next time. The insight: What if there is no next time? When rejecting an opportunity, what might the perception being sent to your boss be? Your boss isn’t a mind reader, magically understanding your thoughts moving back and forth. Instead, they take it on surface value, assuming you’re not so engaged or interested in being here. And hesitations compound over time: not just in missed opportunities, but in lost wealth, confidence, reputation, and influence. How to avoid it: Adopt a “progress, not perfection” mindset. Practice tentative boldness and redefine your readiness, taking steps forward and refining as you go. 3. Being modest with achievements The sabotage: Women often downplay workplace achievements, opting for humility over self-advocacy. The reluctance to self-promote is confused with bragging and arrogance. But being comfortable in naming your achievement is necessary for self-worth. The insight: What begins as humility can morph into invisibility. Habitually softening your impact and deflecting praise reinforces a narrative where your work is assumed rather than acknowledged. It can train those around you to expect performance without credit. Visibility isn’t vanity. It’s professional accountability. How to avoid it: Replace vague self-effacement with concrete contribution. Say, “Here’s what I contributed to that outcome,” rather than, “I just helped out a bit.” Plus, adopt an internal mantra: “It’s not arrogance if it’s accurate.” 4. Seeking career advice from the wrong counsel The sabotage: Turning only to people who mirror your fears instead of challenging your growth. Often these are friends, family, or colleagues. Their intention might be for the best, but they have a bias to protect. The insight: What’s the point? Friends and family often want to shield us from discomfort. But their advice can reflect their own fears, rather than your potential. And not every colleague has honorable intentions. Discussions like this can snowball, reinforcing not only why you shouldn’t take up the opportunity, but any other advancements, ever. The validation might feel safer, but it doesn’t help. It’s damaging. How to avoid it: Seek advice from those who will challenge your thinking, not just nod along. Limit conversations that turn into bandwagoning. Seek to have actions as a result of purposeful career discussions, even if they are micro-moves. Take responsibility for your decisions: When coming to a decision, do you say, “I have decided” or “My partner and I think” more often? Clarity begins with ownership. 5. Being busy instead of strategic The sabotage: Investing in extra work tasks that don’t pay dividends. This is saying yes to everything in the name of being helpful while it slowly erodes your capacity. The insight: Over-functioning is not the same as overachieving. The cost is invisibly paid in missed raises, burnout, and career stagnation. The perception of your busyness might be that you are not in control of your workload. How to avoid it: Be discerning and politely decline what dilutes your focus. Track value over volume and pick strategic tasks that upskill

Jun 27, 2025 - 10:53

5 self-sabotaging career moves women often make—and how to avoid them

We often focus on the visible obstacles stopping women from getting ahead: pay inequality, missed promotions and opportunities, and those boardroom tables with not quite enough seats. Yet there is another, less-visible hindrance to women’s career success: our internal habits, harder to name and even harder to shake. The opportunity passed over not because it was out of reach, but because our inner dialogue said it wasn’t ours to take. The apology slipped into an email that didn’t need one. The shrinking, the over-preparing, and the relentless self-editing.

These aren’t flaws. They are learned responses to a system that taught women to be capable but cautious, competent but not disruptive, and yes, to have a voice, but not one that was too loud. These unexamined habits are shaping the careers we never meant to build.

1. Confusing competence with visibility

The sabotage: Many women believe if they work hard enough, someone will notice. Excellence in silence is rarely rewarded. Doing exceptional work and not drawing attention to it isn’t noble. It’s often just an efficient way of handing credit to someone else.

The insight: Hard work that goes unseen and waiting politely for one’s turn builds resentment. Being good at your job isn’t the same as being known for it, and in competitive environments, what isn’t seen often doesn’t count.

How to avoid it: Don’t wait to be discovered. Learn to self-promote and name what you do, so no one else gets to define it for you. Regularly share wins—both yours and those of others—in team settings.

2. Waiting for certainty

The sabotage: This is self-doubt amplified. When it comes to promotions, unless almost every box is ticked, women are reluctant to put themselves forward. One unchecked box and it’s a hard stop . . . until next time.

The insight: What if there is no next time? When rejecting an opportunity, what might the perception being sent to your boss be? Your boss isn’t a mind reader, magically understanding your thoughts moving back and forth.

Instead, they take it on surface value, assuming you’re not so engaged or interested in being here. And hesitations compound over time: not just in missed opportunities, but in lost wealth, confidence, reputation, and influence.

How to avoid it: Adopt a “progress, not perfection” mindset. Practice tentative boldness and redefine your readiness, taking steps forward and refining as you go.

3. Being modest with achievements

The sabotage: Women often downplay workplace achievements, opting for humility over self-advocacy. The reluctance to self-promote is confused with bragging and arrogance. But being comfortable in naming your achievement is necessary for self-worth.

The insight: What begins as humility can morph into invisibility. Habitually softening your impact and deflecting praise reinforces a narrative where your work is assumed rather than acknowledged. It can train those around you to expect performance without credit. Visibility isn’t vanity. It’s professional accountability.

How to avoid it: Replace vague self-effacement with concrete contribution. Say, “Here’s what I contributed to that outcome,” rather than, “I just helped out a bit.” Plus, adopt an internal mantra: “It’s not arrogance if it’s accurate.”

4. Seeking career advice from the wrong counsel

The sabotage: Turning only to people who mirror your fears instead of challenging your growth. Often these are friends, family, or colleagues. Their intention might be for the best, but they have a bias to protect.

The insight: What’s the point? Friends and family often want to shield us from discomfort. But their advice can reflect their own fears, rather than your potential. And not every colleague has honorable intentions.

Discussions like this can snowball, reinforcing not only why you shouldn’t take up the opportunity, but any other advancements, ever. The validation might feel safer, but it doesn’t help. It’s damaging.

How to avoid it: Seek advice from those who will challenge your thinking, not just nod along. Limit conversations that turn into bandwagoning. Seek to have actions as a result of purposeful career discussions, even if they are micro-moves. Take responsibility for your decisions: When coming to a decision, do you say, “I have decided” or “My partner and I think” more often? Clarity begins with ownership.

5. Being busy instead of strategic

The sabotage: Investing in extra work tasks that don’t pay dividends. This is saying yes to everything in the name of being helpful while it slowly erodes your capacity.

The insight: Over-functioning is not the same as overachieving. The cost is invisibly paid in missed raises, burnout, and career stagnation. The perception of your busyness might be that you are not in control of your workload.

How to avoid it: Be discerning and politely decline what dilutes your focus. Track value over volume and pick strategic tasks that upskill and serve your growth. Practice saying no not with guilt, but with respect for where you’re headed.