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How to pass on a question when you cannot answer efficiently
Location: United States Background In social situations, especially with family and friends, I (mid-30s) try to limit myself to no more than 5 words at a time. I enforce this limit because I am typically interrupted at the 5-word mark anyway. I've asked them to let me speak longer, but I only caused conflict by doing so; my request escalated the situation and resulted in anger towards me. So, especially with family but also with friends, I enforce a strict 5-word limit on myself. I try to be concise and efficient in communication. If I can answer with only one or two words, it's ideal because it's almost impossible to interrupt. Problem Occasionally, I get asked a question that might require more than 5 words to answer. If I start answering anyway, I get interrupted very quickly, and then others are allowed to make false assumptions about what I was going to say, while my full answer remains unheard. If I don't answer, I stand there in silence, and then others are allowed to make fun of me for not answering. What is the socially proper behavior? Example Recent example from the holidays: Person: "What do you do again?" Me: "I'm a software developer." Person: "I bet you don't like that." Me: "I like it." Person: "Oh, really? What do you like about it?" Me: "Mostly, I like that--" [this is where I'd rather pass and not answer] Person: "I bet it's just about the money." Me: "Nope." What I've tried I've asked not to be interrupted. I've tried "Let me finish." I've tried "I was speaking." I've tried simply continuing to speak as if I was not interrupted. These statements escalated the interaction into a conflict. In each case, my family member became angry with me, and yelled at me for my entitlement. Indeed, since a young age, my parents have pointed out my entitlement, and they taught me that I wasn't entitled to speak or be heard. That's why I learned to self-enforce the 5-word limit by the time I was 10 years old. I've observed how others handle it. However, others are typically not interrupted so often, and not after just 5 words. Others are able to command respect. Naturally, due to my gender, I'm in a lower position in the social hierarchy, and I am not entitled to respect. I tried avoiding social interactions for most of my 20s. I thought that if I never put myself in a position to speak, I will never be seen as entitled or worthy of respect. However, I found out a few years ago that I am supposed to be social.
Location: United States
Background
In social situations, especially with family and friends, I (mid-30s) try to limit myself to no more than 5 words at a time. I enforce this limit because I am typically interrupted at the 5-word mark anyway. I've asked them to let me speak longer, but I only caused conflict by doing so; my request escalated the situation and resulted in anger towards me. So, especially with family but also with friends, I enforce a strict 5-word limit on myself. I try to be concise and efficient in communication. If I can answer with only one or two words, it's ideal because it's almost impossible to interrupt.
Problem
Occasionally, I get asked a question that might require more than 5 words to answer. If I start answering anyway, I get interrupted very quickly, and then others are allowed to make false assumptions about what I was going to say, while my full answer remains unheard. If I don't answer, I stand there in silence, and then others are allowed to make fun of me for not answering.
What is the socially proper behavior?
Example
Recent example from the holidays:
- Person: "What do you do again?"
- Me: "I'm a software developer."
- Person: "I bet you don't like that."
- Me: "I like it."
- Person: "Oh, really? What do you like about it?"
- Me: "Mostly, I like that--" [this is where I'd rather pass and not answer]
- Person: "I bet it's just about the money."
- Me: "Nope."
What I've tried
- I've asked not to be interrupted. I've tried "Let me finish." I've tried "I was speaking." I've tried simply continuing to speak as if I was not interrupted. These statements escalated the interaction into a conflict. In each case, my family member became angry with me, and yelled at me for my entitlement. Indeed, since a young age, my parents have pointed out my entitlement, and they taught me that I wasn't entitled to speak or be heard. That's why I learned to self-enforce the 5-word limit by the time I was 10 years old.
- I've observed how others handle it. However, others are typically not interrupted so often, and not after just 5 words. Others are able to command respect. Naturally, due to my gender, I'm in a lower position in the social hierarchy, and I am not entitled to respect.
- I tried avoiding social interactions for most of my 20s. I thought that if I never put myself in a position to speak, I will never be seen as entitled or worthy of respect. However, I found out a few years ago that I am supposed to be social.
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